I dreaded going to school every morning.
Before I even got to school, I was counting down the seconds that I could leave and go home.
Don’t get wrong, it’s not because I disliked school and learning, I liked that – a lot too.
What I dreaded everyday was morning recess, lunch and afternoon recess.
I was new to this school (we moved around a lot) and I was pathologically shy. Not to mention, I wasn’t what was considered a “cool” looking kid – I had big glasses, braces and acne all over my face.
So, the other kids weren’t exactly clamoring to be my new friend.
Everyday when the recess bell rang, I would get a little depressed because it would mean I have to kill the next 15 minutes trying not to look like a complete loser and loner since I had no friends to hang out with during recess.
I would find a place I could go to and just be by myself. Sometimes I would watch other kids play games or hang out together. I’d try to get close in the hopes they would see me and invite me over to join them.
It wasn’t because I was a jerk or a bully. I was just shy and had no confidence in approaching other kids.
I always thought they would just laugh at me or look at me funny and reject me because I thought “why would they want to talk to me?”
Fear of rejection is pretty high on the list for people who are shy and have low self-esteem.
So, this process would repeat itself for morning recess, lunch (which was even worse since it was a longer break) and afternoon recess. This routine would happen day after day after day.
I would count down the hours, minutes and seconds to the last bell that would signal us to go home. The end of the day was always the best part of the day. It was my salvation.
I would come home and my parents would have no clue about how I felt at school.
To be continued >>>
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